Well, it’s official….I’m never going to amount to anything, as anything. I have no motivation. I can’t concentrate on things that are important to me, and I get too caught up in my work to devout enough time or emotion to the things I love. That’s how I feel at least. Yesterday I loved this project, today I hate it. Maybe next time I’ll get it right. My back aches and I swear it has for days, I’m a bitchy moaning milquetoast and I have no idea what I need to fix myself. My body is exhausted, and my mind is following in it’s footsteps. Nine o’clock couldn’t come any sooner?

Missing everything,

n i ck

P.S. – My assignment should be up, here.

Brandon Possible
1980-2004

12.19.2004 by The Stza

at some point on the morning of friday, december 17th
our friend & drummer brandon died in his sleep at a
dallas, texas hotel after our show at the red blood
club. there will be a funeral for him in n.j. on
wednesday the 22nd. We will ask his blood-family if
they want the location posted here for anybody who
wishes to attend.

brandon was not only the most talented drummer we have
ever played with, but anyone that knew him can tell
you that he was one of nicest funny & caring people in
the world. at a time when i became totally
disillusioned & turned off from playing music he
showed-up to completely inspire me & remind me about
the fun & meaning of what it was that we were doing.
We will miss him with all of hearts & minds until we
meet our own ends.

Dearest Tragedy,

There is nothing I would like better than to look into your eyes. I wish I had a shit load of money, I would buy myself a wristwatch that worked…..and I would probably buy a shit load of CD’s that I’ve always wanted. There’s lots and lots, my income may never afford. I miss you Napster. The moral of all stories is that: though winning may be everything, it’s also good to lose sometimes. It helps you to remember who you are and where you come from. Keeps your feet on the ground so to say……If you are up all of the time, how would you ever know how high you really are?

I can’t wait to see Mr. Depp as Mr. Wonka. This should be interesting…..someone wrote: What do you think the Oompa Loompas will look like in a Tim Burton movie? I think I’m more excited about the scene when they walk into the first room (with the chocolate river), I can almost guarantee I’ll have a permanent smile on my face for the rest of the movie. Beautiful illusions that may hopefully give the slightest feeling of being a child again, how sweet it is.

Divorced from Reality,

n i ck

P.S. – I’m getting my first assignment in John’s class today, and yes, I’m excited about that too.

Dearest Knowledge,

Apparently I’m random. Everybody likes things that are nice…..I don’t know what I’m saying, I’m bored I have to pee. Here’s a little game, I can see how long I can hold it…..that way I can urinate into a bag when I’m 35. I can hardly wait. I need a haircut, it’s true. Maybe all of them…..I just got a compliment on my hair…eat shit, live long, look at this website: www.killmargot.com

endless goodbyes,

n i ck

Dear Cruel Nothingness,

My computer at home is completely and utterly fucked. It’s true. So now here I am, typing away at school thinking of absolutely nothing, we almost didn’t have computers for my commercial illustration class, but John moved the classroom so it all worked out. It is through this miracle of science that makes me able to talk to you all today. There are sick children in other countries who may not have such extravagant gifts as ours. I sat in my car for about 45 minutes and read more of Nine Stories….even though it’s short it’s taking me forever, but I’m way past the halfway point. Hmmmm…..I got all my shit together for once, what more is there to say.

So this is how it must end. On a cold day like today, in an empty room like this one. We look back on forgotten dreams. Dreams that once plagued our minds to the brink of insanity and we ask ourselves……Would I like cream or sugar?

So it goes,

n i ck